Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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