and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
