I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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