A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
