yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
