she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
