Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
