yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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