I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
