I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
