# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
