Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
