you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
