Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
