i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
