Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
