Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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