If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
