I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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