I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
