I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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