Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
