im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
