I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
