why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
