You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize