I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
