Ambien. No doubt about it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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