Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
