the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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