How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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