Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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