Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
