Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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