I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he told me I talked like a deaf person
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
