I wish my penis had an off switch
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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