thus making me awesome and them whores
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
