oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think your dad took our porno
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
