think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
