Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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