Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize