thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
