im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
