Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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