the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
