but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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