I heard we made out
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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