sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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