I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
