I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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