just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
