We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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