don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
