Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
