U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
