I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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