I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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