i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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