At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
