I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
