I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
