If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
