my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize