I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
