i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My vagina just recognized that song.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
