Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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