I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
